♥ My Beautiful Life

ღ Monday, 30 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

been listerning to this song... been out for sometime yet i cant get sick of this song...

but what do they mean that the last word of the chorus is link to the next first sentence? okie... i dun get it cos i see and think, i dun get a link.. -_-"

hmm, anyway enjoy~~ =)

作词：吴克群　作曲：吴克群

爱你行动不变追不上你的美
脚步再快　跟不上你的嘴
分开我骗了谁想擦掉你的脸
擦不掉痛却更明显

你说你要的世界　在很远我不了解
分手就分手别把话说得太美

我像个残废飞不出你的世界
借不到一点安慰为什么你拼命后退
退到了边界结果我没了知觉就连痛都嫌浪费

在爱里残废非弄得伤痕累累
累到我无力再追最怕你突然要挽回
回到了原点　原点却又像终点然后　多痛　一遍

爱你行动不变追不上你的美
脚步再快　跟不上你的嘴
分开我骗了谁想擦掉你的脸
擦不掉痛却更明显

你说你要的世界　在很远我不了解
分手就分手别把话说得太美

我像个残废飞不出你的世界
借不到一点安慰为什么你拼命后退
退到了边界结果我没了知觉就连痛都嫌浪费

在爱里残废非弄得伤痕累累
累到我无力再追最怕你突然要挽回
回到了原点　原点却又像终点然后　多痛　一遍

我像个残废飞不出你的世界
借不到一点安慰为什么你拼命后退
退到了边界结果我没了知觉就连痛都嫌浪费

在爱里残废非弄得伤痕累累
累到我无力再追最怕你突然要挽回
回到了原点　原点却又像终点然后　多痛　一遍

我像个残废　在爱里残废

♥ My World My Life

10:02 pm

ღ

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

Sun's out today after so many days of rain...

doing nothing much for the past weekend.. he's not free mot\st of the time.. so i'm kinda alone for myself and frens.. well its good lar huh...rather i keep facing the same grp of people everyday...need a new "face" to appear in front of me sometimes...haha...

friday i met up with my ah ger... finally she's free after her thai and Laos trip... hmm... so nice of her to treat me godiva's chocolate... haha actually she shun bian went to Godiva to work!... mystery shopper... think the poor girl being audited is gonna fail!... sigh... me and princess tiny were like shaking heads the moment we stepped out of the shop... a SURE fail... the girl actually did not greet us and serve us properly... she simply just stand behind the sounter and using a cloth glove! to picked up the chosen chocolates... i mean lar... she should've use plastic and disposible ones mah... or maybe i should say Goldiva should instruct their employees to use disposibles mah... Kaoz... like so er xin...hmm.. maybe i preggy so i very particular lar...keke...

anyway we went to a Jap resturant... spent hours eating , laughing our hearts out and bitching... its been a long time since i met up with them... last time was when i am 4 mths preggy..hehe.. at my fav Jap restuarant .... seems that we gers really LOVE Jap foods... and we spent quite a sum on eating everytime... hehe...

overlooking the view to Sentosa and eat was a nice experience...

eh no pics ley cos we tok too much.. haha...

we were chatting while my hubby is @ St James celebrating his collegues' promotion and tiny's bf over at Rasa Sentosa having company dinner... GER"s bf????... we dunno...lolx... MIA one lar...

Saturday's boring...

Sunday, he went for his family moving activity... i went BBQ with my uni frens at night... but only for 1.5 hours i had to go home le!...cos he came withmy PIL to fetch me...sigh... anyway thats about it for my weekend...

so boring right?...tats the life of preggy woman...

Today started off nice.. woke up with Mac breakfast already ordered for me... sunny but temp ok day... so i can finallly wash my 17 nappies and 6 wash cloths for Ayden... wah finally can wash arh... i got no more time to wash le...he's coming soon.. eh... anytime?!?!... YESH...and i'm starting to freak out...and having cold feet over everything...

wonder why i can made up my mind to have a baby manz... someone so timid of blood, needles and pain... wah... my best buddy very impressed with my courage..lol...

Ayden's hiccuping almost everyday... i wonder if i drink enough water...but no ley... i drank LOTS lor...??? is it normal???.. i can feel him trying to push out from my "canal" once in a while... i read up, they say its normal cos the body is trying to adjust itself for preparation for the labour... OMG~~~~... i so scared... can imagine me standing in themiddle of the pathway not moving at all... okie if you see me doing that, means Ayden's trying to be funny... lol...

eh fish porridge today's lunch... =

*hungry* ... i put on another 1.5kg (roughly).. thats whati found out yesterday... shit.. am i too fast in gaining weight??... alamak... if too heavy and big i HAVE to do CENSEARIAN...err......*sweat*

Saw this pic... so CUTE man..

♥ My World My Life

10:01 pm

ღ Wednesday, 25 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

hahaha~~~ i'm laughing at Xena when i first spotted her in the LT today... and so does she .. lookin at my big tummy... and started to rub my tummy...keke..

she's super tan!!!... omg... just back US from some attachment job thing.. lifeguard.. she's now officially the " indian" in our group... keke.. i cant believe tat someone who goes to US and came back looking like he/she just went to some island tanning from Thailand.. LOLX.. but she told us alot of interesting stuffs about her trip... so cool... i wish i could go also ...

after the Boon Kee Chicken rice lunch, me and xena went to took bus home.. i plead her to wait for my bus before she takes hers.. lolx.. kind-hearted ger in the end took the same bus with me...174.. but she had to change bus or walk home which is around like 4/5 bus-stops away... OPPS!...guess what... she chose the 2nd option!!... then she kana barked by stray dogs which ultimately came down the slope towards her!!!!!...omg.. i was on the bus and saw it... so scary... LOLX...she quickly turn and cross the road.. i felt so bad... called her and she sounded so freaked out... but she was safe lar... i reahed home about the same time as her... phew~~... isnt she nice?!?!.. company me and willingly to walk home.. but i wanted to give her $$ to take bus home but she insisted she dun want wor... me bad anyway~~... ='(

Hmm... rohanna didnt call me today which is the deadline... but then i heard from my Dao sAo that i had a letter from school yesterday... eh, i haven been home ever since that day i had fight with mum... anyway she's been complaining to all my family members that i didnt go home... CHYE!!... she is the one who dun want me o go back de mah... KAOZ!!... well my SIL and hubby told me to give in but i super buay song!!... why must i give in everytime...then i go back she like ya-ya like that... thinking i want to say sorry to her??.. NO WAY!... kana sai... can say i very stubborn but its true mah, i didnt do anything wrong . she is the one who started and continue one okie...kana sai... *pant*pant*.... so angry... somemore just now my hubby called her saying we'll go home eat... guess what she said??... " so have rachel think it thru?" ...!!!! WTH.... so pissed...

anyway i had to go home this time to take my letter... but i'm not giving in man....if she say anything or what i sure retaliate... no matter what... my hubby scold or whoever tells me to give in i surely wont!!... HUMPF!!... (small gas ley... i dun care)....

♥ My World My Life

10:01 pm

ღ Sunday, 22 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

Woke up late this morning.. finally a good sleep after a few days of backache torture... he woke up early to WORK!.. hmm.. ya he's coming back at 7pm later.. he's been working for whole week .. poor chap!

anyway MIL's not at home too.. my SIL also went home after sending MIL to work.. so left me and FIL... haha.. we watched TV together.. lolx.. so far i've been sitting and eating in front of the TV..haha.. some kind of 'couch potato' behaviour lar.. but i did some laundry... I'M NOT LAZY hor!!.. keke..

anyway today's lunch is slightly different from the normal Sunday lunch... its fried rice this time.. no more porridge... eh, there is lar but not for me. Its for my FIL.. LOLX... think my MIL realised that i should eat something else le instead of porridge almost everyday... but hor i ate yesterday lar.. haha~

watched " the patriot" and " the pacifier" just now... thou i watched before but still enjoyed them.. Ayden's super active ah... i see show , he kicked and kicked.. wah like amost coming out of me manz.. aiyo... then i read abit of yesterday's paper... i saw the Clementi MRT incident being reported... so its about a 70 yr old ah ma fallen onto the tracks and was killed after sent to hospital 2 hours later.. poor thing.. dunno what happen...but i was relieved that i didnt go and kapo that day... cos i might get myself looking at some bloody stuffs... OMG.. anyway i'm glad i shun away that place fast enough lar..

yesterday i had mahjong, i won $$... hehehe so happy... extra small income.. LOLX.. well its small bets but ultimately with the winnings i got is $20+.. cos he also win so i TOOK ALL WINNINGS!.. lolx.. we only play small small, 50 cents.. hehe... anyway i ate alot yesterday night.. i had duck rice, macdonald and tonic chicken soup... all in 6 hours.. haha..

recently alot of people say my tummy small... SMALL MEH?!?!?!... i dun think so ley... i still have another mth to go.. my EDD is on 29th August.. and estimated weight gain for baby now is 500 gram per week... Ayden's 2kg+ now.. that means if went accordingly to the EDD i would give birth to a almost 4kg baby!!!!!... OMG... are you people still sure i got small tummy???...ehh.......

i looked myself in the mirror one night, i found out that my 24 inches waist had now become almost 38 inches!!! i freak out almost immediately after looking at the figure... i had never imagine i will have my waist THIS BIG... boohoo~~.. i also felt my V pressurized.. abit pain cos i think my veins is being pressed by Ayden or his hands boxed at the wrong place... like "cramp" like that... eh should i describe as cramps??... i think so cos i have no menstrual cramps before.. anyway PAIN ah..

somehow i realised one thing, a pregnant woman can really bear pains... despite all the terrrible aches and pain i have, i still can endure ley.. dunno why... the normal me might already been crying or ly on bed whole day le .. but i didnt... i sill can walk... hop abit and do alot of things.. now i trully experience the endurance of a mum towards a child...

Pregnancy....its ultimately a satisfying experience.. totally different from what you can get out of career, school and $$... =)

♥ My World My Life

10:00 pm

ღ Friday, 20 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

Yesterday was like going on a tour in the city.. haha.. went to 3 places .. after West Mall to do my specs..

went to Suntec, Plaza Sing and Orchard John Little...

Suntec - cos he wanted to find his fren in another spec shop but he changed his mind.. we shopped for an hour...

Plaza Sing to eat my Fav Fish Bee hoon... but the standard dropped!.. nevertheless still nice lar...

See how he slurp the noodle at such a fast speed..haha..

Orchard John Little to look for baby's toys... but bought 2 posters on learning ABC and 123 for Ayden at the Book fair in front of the busstop on our way back to robinson carpark...

tired ah.. i hit the sack soon after i bathe.. fell asleep on the sofa..haha..

Today, the rain is simply too nice.. happened at the correct time.. when i needed it the most...NOW.. hehe.. just reached home from sch....then came home feeling hot and yucky, even thou i travelled in air-con but i still feel HOT!...urgh.. then the rain came and save me now by raining once i finished my bathe.. Thank you lord!!...

i had my class in the morning and was super duper hungry... during lecture we were shown the video of marketing strategy used by one supermart in the Western.. wah got violins players in the 2nd floor of the mart and the y play to entertain the in-store cafe customers.. hmm.. i find its abit costly lar to employ people just to entertain in a MART?!?!... anyway food must be cheap lor , how to pay those violin, viola and cello players??.. eh maybe in the West they are cheap labour??.. of cos in SG we cant be doing this ..

Anyway i was talking abt the clips is because I"M HUNGRY!!.. then they show foods... wah... *slurps*... Ayden's hiccuping all the way thru the clip, i think he's either thirsty or Hungry too...LOLX...

Went to some cafe at NP's Alummi, and the food sucks today... eh the teriyaki sauce like soya sauce... then the service also funny... they took my plates and utensils away while i'm still biting onto my watermelon...??.. how am i suppose to put my "eaten" watermelon afterwards??.. so i have no choice put it on the stupid table like so totally no manners... sigh.. i covered it with my tissue..

The 2 gers, YL and Audrey were busy touching my tummy with curiousity while i'm talking to my husband...so cute to see them... one on each of my side.. haha... then i saw two men opp. us looking .. haha.. but i dun care.. was enjoying the girls' "caress"... haha.. and i didnt tell them.. lest they pai sey..haha..

Then i saw that cute yellow car again!!!!... smaller than the boogey car lor... lolx... so cute... then i told Audrey maybe its "Bumble Bee" <--- Transformer.. LOLX...

Took an hour and fifteen mins ride home... In the MRT station @ Clementi, there's a commotion... hmm.. think some guy or people trying to do something near the track... i dun dare to go over and Kapo... dun wanna see something bad.. cos hey say pregnant woman should avoid all kinds of "catastrophe"... eh so i didnt do my usual KAPO!!!... aiya.. sian..

okie here comes my "delivered" Old Chang Kee!!!

Ever-hungry Mama Rachel

♥ My World My Life

9:59 pm

ღ Thursday, 19 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

Happi happi... finally raining le..haha..

so cool and nice.. finally it rains for these 2 days... i cant really stand the heat ya.. going crazy soon if it didnt rain today...

yesterday went school and "bullied" by Calvin LEEEEE... haha...just wanna say his name here..lolx... but i misses Paul but heard from Calvin LEEEE tat he dun wish to SEE me and is feeling glad not meeting me in sch ever again!!... hmm... but i still wanna see him ley..haha.. cos he's the only guy who can i suan with laughter..keke.. fun lar.. not meaning i want to 'bully' him but "building our frenship further"~~~ WHAHA...

Was in sch pretty early yesterday... isnt it funny?.. i was the ever-famous latecomer in the lecture and among the grp..lolx.. i TRY my best to travel slowly le, despite the small jam @clementi rd but i still manage to reached school early!.. haha... then it rained.. i was feeling so warm that i didnt feel the "famous" cold lecture LT we had in SIM cold at all..

Then me, esther and Yl went Suntec and Marina Sq to visit specs shops... the last shop optical ** was the last stop we went into... wah the spec i wanted was simply too EX!!... eh some kind of famous Japanese brand.. was said by the sales person that its very popular in Korea, Japan and even America..hmm.. but the spec is super nice lar...

then yl say i look super pale... OMG.. i looked so "drained".. hmm.. actually i waned half-frame specs but seems like i'm not getting good comments.. mabe change to full-frame... luckily some of his frens works in specs shop... i can get staff price and lens is cheap...he doing one too... WE R SICK OF PLASTIC FRAMES!!.. so laer we are going west mall and suntec <-- AGAIN! (3rd time for suntec)...

after the last shop, we went to pizza... i had an appoinment @ 6pm with my gynae so i was abit blur of what am i going to do... at first i tot of going home and go with my hubby but then seems like getting late and i have to get a cab.. then i plan to take cab straight to the clinic w/o him.. but was thinking he sure angry... he called and i tell him abt plan 2.. he did sounds angry that i was dragging my time to go there... but he agreed with plan 2...

i went to get a cab and it costed me 20 bucks!!!!...omg... so shitty... then once i stepped in, the assistant was saying my name so loud that the whole clinic's patients were looking at me..haha..think because Kenneth's waiting for me inside..haha... anyway i was rushed into the room...

So cute i saw my baby's fist.. he's playing with his fingers..lolx.. then i was told i had gained much weight for the past 2 weeks.. 1.2 kg!!...eh just 2 weeks.. baby's alrdy 2 kg le!...no wonder my backache getting BAD~~~... hmm... actually we wanted to wait for Mike to come before scanning the baby but i said no cos he's only at PIE..think by the ime he reached also finished my appointment le.. which is true but he's disappointed lar.... opps.. he wanted to see baby so much...*bleh*

anyway he came picked me up and we went to eat my fav fish head assam curry..lol... nice .. take a pic next time to saw the nice fishy dish...hehe..

bought durian home ah... 4 for $10 but still taste fantastic.. but was NAGGED by my MIL again...sigh...anyway i was suppose to blog another incident of unhappiness in my blog.. but i decided not to liao... so many complaints .. dun wanna feel i'm so complaint queen when i looked back in my blog in the future..HAHAHA... but hor something got to do with the appeal letter with RMIT lar..and my MIL say me lor!!..kao.. becos of my husband lar~!!.. his temper...kana sai...

Anyway he called Rohanna just now, yesterday he scolded the Misruha and demanded Rohana today which he had o called instead. Result was: WAIT AGAIN!.. yesh... cos she said all replies were sent out but i didnt recieved! so she had to check with RMIT again and will get back to me today or tomorrow... guess if the appeal didnt go thru, we can re-appeal again like rohanna said or re-mark the paper by paying some fees lar...

Pray ah~~~~.... i rather pay some more fee than retake the whole module man... at least even i can get o clear 1 i also happy...lolx..

Ayden's super naughty now.. ROTATE and rotate till my tummy felt like washing machine...aiyo...okie... time for my fish PORRIDGE AGAIN!!.. <-- lunch... -.-"

Signnnn~~~~~~~~ (draggin myself to scoop porridge)..

♥ My World My Life

9:59 pm

ღ Tuesday, 17 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

Well well... who would had thought of the sleepy piggy rachel woke up at 8.30am this morning...LOLX...

the first time in the past 4 mths, i finally get a good night rest.. Baby ayden had given his mum a "treat" at last!..hehe...dreamt of nothing manz~..no more nightmares...keke...so happy... i dun have to wake up in the night feeling scared and trying hrs to get back to sleep le!..

even my MIL was shocked to see me but still have to listen to her naggings abt waking up early to do morning excercise for easy labour...ya ya.. i know its true that walking is good BUT i lazy ley!!... even when i'm not pregnant i also didnt wake up so early as today!!..haha...err.. unless i have to go work or school...no choice mah...but go with sleepy face..keke...

hmm... i wonder what should i do today...anyway i was pissed yesterday by someone...urgh...i complain to YL and Jacq..haha...poor girls...recently i complaint too much lar...but hor very angry ley...i need someone to hear me!!..hehehe... i told my husband abt it...he also agreed with me..wah pissed till i go class in the night...anyway after i vent out my anger by complaining i fel better...keke... dunno why nowadays people always find me trouble...SIGH~~

Called Rohana yesterday, I STILL HAVEN RECIEVED ANY RESPONSE LETTER like what she said to me 2 WEEKS back lor...urgh.... Mi Ke super angry that he wanted to talk to her and scold her...then i know from Javan that last time he also took a month to recieve reply from RMIT after sch commenced... ARGH~~ SIM is so unefficient!!!...kaoz...

I'm gonna call up Rohana and ask her later!.. humpf!!

Looking at the weather i think my plan for washing ayden's special nappies is not gonna happen... no sun ley...hmm.. so sian...think i watch my new HK drama later after MIL goes to work @12pm ....hehehehehehehehehehehe~~~...

today's tuesday, normally i will go home to eat dinner...but i still abit angry with my mum...cos she DIDNT CALL me mah!!...kana sai...she called the rest to check on my status but she dun want to call me herself...wah...her face more impt ley...kana sai..i also play along lor... actually not angry with her lar...just that i dun want to give in...cos everytime i give in she thinks i will ultimately go back to her after everything then she like dun take it to heart how i feel every other time...so i must let her know...HUMPF!! .... <---childish act <--- DUN CARE LEY!! anyway she's my mum..i can be a child in front of her...hahahahahahaha~~~~

oh ya..i have pics to share but i didnt upload for long time...haha..

some pics i took some time back...

<-- see my tummy so big le.. actually i'm 53KG now!! yikes!!...i used to be only 43kg ley...now 10kg extra!! omg...but still people say my tummy small ... HOW CAN THAT BE when i'm 10kg more?!?!?!... -.-"

<-- Saw this super CUTE car (yellow) when Shawn and M Ke went to pay their sch fees before 1st July (AVOID GST) ... eh dunno what car is it?...its super small compared to the Mazda RX8 (beside it)...keke...I LOVE SMALL THINGS~~

<--- Dessert @ some jap resturant which i forgotten the name..haha..looks tasty right?...the cute lil cup is the special honey sauce in japan..

<--- you have to pour it over the Ice cream , mochi and peaches. Eh, there's something chewy in it also but i dunno what is it called..haha some jelly type thing.. LOLX..

<--- my taster... dun think he closed his eyes like enjoying the dessert okie... its the size of his eyes lar...WHAHAHA~~

♥ My World My Life

9:58 pm

ღ Monday, 16 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

things between are better..

i went home that day but had a huge quarrel with my mum <-- always making me super angry.... i changed into my old clothes at home.. t-shirt and shorts..thou the t-shirt is long but the tummy part is abit tight...i reached home before my mum do... the moment she step into the house,

she was saying :" wah, why you wear this?? so ugly-looking....aiyo~~"

I replied feeling annoyed," at home dun need to wear so nice...moreover these clothes are my old clothes and now there's nothing i can wear mah..anyway wear so nice for who to see??..." then she went to put down her stuffs and into the kitchen (preparing for dinner), i went sitting in the living room watching tv..

she came out again and say loudly another time.. "aiyo, its really ugly lar...wearing like that.." , this time standing in front of me blocking my view of the tv...

i was super annoyed lor.. "ugly then ugly lor... im not going out..and the tshirt is the BIGGEST i have here okie...then what u want me to wear?...wah lao..why u keep saying this ah.."

" my mouth in on my face so i want to say whatever thing i want , you cannot stop me.." she retorted..

Being to flare up, i said :" pls lor .. want to say i cant stop you...but people keep hearing this will definately get annoyed de mah!..you jeep saying for what?...i wear this cannot meh?..get sore eyed is it?..kao cannot keave me alone with this meh?.."

she shouted back :" aiya, want to throw temper go back to your MIL lar..dun come here and throw temper at me OK..!! "

i super annoyed hearing this lor.. " why u always have to bring other people in..wanna pick a fight is it?.. wear somethink here u also wanna say...!!"

then the stupid part you said, which was true lar but it hit my vital point.. " you must have quarrel with your husband lar so you come back here and throw temper..!!"

i buay tahan already :" whether i quarrel or not is not a matter now.. now the thing is you kept saying all these for what?..bringing other things in for what?.. you cannot stop saying, is it? come home eat dinnner must endure all your these nonsense.."

" you dun need to come back eat de, i dun need it... come back for what.. its best for you dun come back..." she said..

LAST STRAW!!!! ... " okie .. fine!! Dun cook my share now! dun come home then dun come home lor.." then i went to change , and left the house.. i felt damn angry and sad lor.. go home wanting to find peace and company but in the end got all these... i dun intend to tell my mum abt mike but then i got myself more shits...i cried and called princess tiny..

she's in the office but she rush down and went to her house... along the way i cried and begun pouring to her.. went to her place for dinner.. my mum had called my husband and he kept calling buti didnt pick up the calls...so much as i had guessed correctly, my husband texted me... ignoring him again....then i talked to her mum about pregnancy over dinner.. feeling much better... then he called again, finally i picked up his call.. he say he'll come and fetch me home later...

on the way home, we didnt spoke.. till back at home. Before bedtime, he came and talk things over with me... he tried explaining and apologised..he knew he's in the wrong at some parts which i pointed out to him...then he tell me my mum called him and say about our quarrel but then told him not to tell me thats he called him...lolx... THIS IS MY MUM...sigh...she didnt call me but always gets others to call me... but at the same time complaining abt me to them...

over the weekends, we did nothing much.. he tried to make me happy.. so we went out and paying his fullest attention to me.. haha... Sat , we ate the famous queenstown fried chicken for dinner..yum yum...nice... the smell was so nice even you can drool straight away...

yesterday we went swimming..Chevron..with my SIL, Bro and little Dylan.. he's learning to swim but he's lousy lar..kept shouting and grabbing tightly to my bro and SIL in the pool..haha... then we went to eat the nice fishball noodles at JE, wanting to eat coconut but the shop is closed.. sigh... he brought me to Sheng Siong like my bro told us, we bought alot of things and coconuts!! hehehe..finally can eat cos i'm suppose to eat it at least once a week..then we came home, his father opened the coconut for us..YUM...eh not bad for a supermarket to sell coconut @$1.20 each and it taste nice...hehe..

we took a rest, he watch soccer, i went online. Chating with some frens. then we went out to a supper ... early one!..keke cos its only like 9pm.. JP centre and we went for a movie.. HARRY PORTER...

wah i nearly die inside there...my back hurts like crazy...guess its the last show i can watch le.. the last few shows i also complain backache but not as bad as yesterday's... hmm... not more show for me...i had to stop till i recovered from my confinement onwards...or onl wheni'm free le...sigh... i love watching movies but guess i had to stop this time...urgh~~..

Just taken my breakfast, bread and milk.. my MIL is on leave today an later i have lesson at 7pm... hmm... abit sian going to school...someomore its the lesson i took last sem...shitty....i still haven got my appeal letter replied and my invoice for my school fees....stupid SIM... do things so slow de..i wanna complian!!!...argh~~~~

♥ My World My Life

9:57 pm

ღ Thursday, 12 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

been crying alot recently...

first due to my HK drama ... then next my hubby..

everytime kena from him...dunno why..

seems like i'm like someone who is taking in his shits and then being EXPECTED to forgive him the next time he talk to me...

yesterday night was terrible...on our way back home from my mum's place after dinner... he didnt even help me carry the heavy stuffs, i had to carry them from the th floor of the carpark to home.. i was pretty upset what he did in the car...blasting the music of the radio so loud i think ayden's frighten cos he kicked so much...then wind down the windows....all the nasty air came in....i didnt talk to him.. went upstairs all by myself.. then straight to bathroom...

the next horrible thing (at the same time), i found out my white pants were stained with alot of yellow stuffs...i just washed it and my mil hung dry for me the other day..the pants lie on my bed all dirty... i was super fed up... everytime my clothes always dirty after coming back from her hands...dunno why...URGH~~~

i cried till this morning...

he went work just now w/o kissing me (everydaypractise) and never call during lunchtime...

maybe because i shoo him off twice last night...its after i came out of the bathroom and in the living room.. but he only come by without saying much...not much of talking...and he went back to sleep...!!.. i find that my feelings whether hurt or not is no longer part of his interest... whether what time i go bed last night also not his interest anymore... whether i cry so hard lying beside in the middle of the night like 3 am also not an interest to him...

at this point of time, i think slightly further... much further at times when i find myself getting scared... i looked into the darkness , feeling ayden's movements, feeling scared... finally i realised i'm so alone... i began talking to ayden since he's awake.. whether i'm i a good mommy to him so far... then i get so emotional that i went to the bathroom and cry loudly... i tot to myself whether i did the right thing.. askin myself alot of questions.. finally i settle down and went back to bed.. all i see was pillows between us.. this has been going on for many mths.. at first was due to my big tummy... but that moment, that pillow between our heads were so upsetting.. he's a light sleeper and who even know when i go toilet or so.. but now he didnt even stir abit.. i went to sleep..feeling very tired and my back hurts like crazy..a few hours sleep only..

i woke up at the moment he step out of the bathroom door.. that moment was silent and i peeked..he just walk out of the door.. at tat moment was like so shitty.. i cry again...think my pillow all stain with my tears...sigh..

seeing this, my heart felt so heavy.. notice that he didnt even wear our wedding ring anymore... me, i cant wear cos i'm having water retention that my fingers cant fit now.. for him? i dunno why...i noticed but i didnt ask why.. only like married for 4mths.. and guess what yesterday was our 4th mth wedding anniversary.. i'm so hurt.. he never say anything to me .. i waited for the whole day but at the end of the day i get only tears and yellings..

i'm so sad now.. dunno what to do... one side of me wanting to call him.. but that will be out of the blus as i dun normally call him during his work hours.. he will call me just instead.. one side of me feel that i'm not in the wrong at all..

things changed so fast that i cant even breathe properly to understand whats going on... i wonder to myself, is my marriage having rocks?.. or is it me who is done anything to piss this relationship off??.. cant be cos i didnt do anything to make my marriage in jeopardy.. i didnt have those nonsense things like post-natal depression or sensitive issues to say to him... everyday i just eat, sleep, go to school (now), watch drama series and going movies , mahjong with his frens...buying baby stuffs.. thats my lifestyle now... nothing much...

now everything is so bland between us.. nothing to talk abt..

just now i saw my handmade card i gave him for an special occassion earlier this year after we were married...i read what i wrote... so sad to read now... cos where i found the card was simply at my dressing table drawer... i begun to onder what happen to my other cards to him... i began to think wht happen to all the things i gave him or we used to have? .. i cant see them except my precious moment he gave to me as a birthday present to me last year sitting on the table... i cried... feeling why everything which i didnt take notice of began to appear before me now..

i'm very sad and depressed.. alone in the house that cant give me any warm now.. i was thinking to myself should i get myself out of this house to take a breather or should i silently stay at home waiting for him and MIL to come back...feeling all shitty inside.. crying inside.. i will then felt alone as usual then i'll wait for night to come..

now only going to school makes me breathe much better.. the unnecessary stress given to me by living with my Parent-in-law and a total new place is too much now.. i endured...but somehow i cant fulfill what he asked me to do, " You can only accept it . " ........its harsh and strong but its true... i tried for these few months but seems like not much changes.. but this time i didnt talk to him about how i feel...neither to anyone except here..

last few days the blogger server was down that i cant write anything.. i needed it but i cant get in...guess what i do?...i cry in the toilet again.. just to wash out my unhappiness.. for awhile..

think i dun write anymore.. haven eat my lunch.. think ayden's hungry too..

♥ My World My Life

9:57 pm

ღ Monday, 2 July 2007

♥ My Beautiful Life ♥

My memory is failing me... OMG... i can even forgot things that just happened in fron of me 5 mins ago.. I'm like having the "Lao Ren Chi Dai Zhen".. haha..its been a tiring week..last week i mean..

everyday washing and buying things for baby Ayden, Doing housechores like housewife..haha.. temperature of the house is terrible that i on my aircon WHOLE DAY for almost consecutive 4 days...lolx.. eh, bills going up... bought a mini fridge for storing Ayden's milk (his idea) ($179) and playmat ($50+), toys , walkie talkie ($100+) .. wah still got somemore but i cant remember them.. took pics for last week but i lazy to put them up now..haha...

yesterday went to watch "Transformer" at Lido.. and i saw his ex-gf at very late hours at Isetan.. i think i saw the right person cos he didnt see .. we're comng down from the escalator and they (she and her bf) walking past the escalator in front of us... haha.. heard she's working at UOB branch of Jurong Point.. hehe..

sometimes people you hope you might want to see may just popped out of nowhere to let you SEE!!...LOLX... but one thing for sure is that what he describe to me was true.. Fair and plump.. hmm.. then we went to Holland for XO Fish Bee Hoon... NICE~~~ =)

Actually we quarrelled yesterday morning. Well things are good, he admitted he's playing a punk and apologised.. cos he scold me for not making coffee for him!!! .... which is stupid...ayway guess i have a loving husband with quick baby temper .. haha.. thank you girls (you know who you are) for trying to cheer me yesterday at the rush hour...haha.. but i think i made my MIL abit angry cos i didnt eat her lunch (PORRIDGE AGAIN) before going out with him...actually he ate abit.. but i think he told his mum that the fried fish cake with fried Beancurd porridge too oily for me.. then his mum abit angry so told him this morning that " dun like then dun eat lor" "its okie de" response....sigh...

abit worried that how things will turn out finally with my MIL...sigh... dunno ley... guess we all have diff lifestyle... and she loves to cook the same food everyday!...eh.. sian~~..

Later going to Suntec to eat...yongli's b'day.. can meet up with Jenny girl le!!...finally meeting my busy sister...kaoz...she ah everytime like Gerlin always go oversea for trips...kana sai..leave me behind in SG... if not its work till late hours...aiyo...so diff to find them...at least Tiny is around..with my cousin mei...haha...

bro, da sao and Dylan boy went to Genting...hehe... my darling boy's first trip to oversea...he so excited the other day when i saw him...asking when is the genting trip...my Da Sao trying so hard to explain he has to wait for the days to pass then can go...haha... so ke ai when i her how she explain...with his blur look...hehe..i hope he had fun... =)

♥ My World My Life

9:56 pm